I don't want you to go to UW :'(

Current mood:stressed

I'm having a detached week.
I'm tired of things,
and annoyed with how some things have turned out...

I don't wanna think anymore.


I need something new.
'cause I can't shake this feeling...

Of apathy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Accept. Adapt. Change.
I'm slow.
I've let it go; but it's hard to fully lose hope.
My never-ending hope.
You disgust me.

I say too much.
I don't want you to read it.
...if I ever write it.






Yeah, I do.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

I need a tape recorder.

I have wayyy too much shit on my mind
ALL the time.
You don't even know...

...I don't even know.


Fuck this, man.
I don't need it.


People suck.
And I hate to need them.

But I talk too much....


And I don't LIE. god.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

Flutter Flutter

Current mood:weird

How long does something take to become a habit?

Geez, why am I nervous?
This is weird.

I feel stuck.
I've never been down this road before.
I wanna turn tail and run....

Like I always do.
it's safe.


but then again...

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

What a lying douch nozzle.

Current mood:okay

For months I've have this... void in my chest.
this deep hole.

And like a scab, I couldn't leave it alone.
I'd pick,
and scratch,
and itch,

...and it hurt.
and to some extent, it'll always hurt.
a slight scar that you can't see by looking, but I know it's there.

But it's healing.
I'm learning to leave well enough alone.
I just have to keep my hands occupied with something else.
Stay busy.



...It's a lot of work.
A lot of effort that I've wasted.



But I'll find new things,
better things.

Real things.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

I'm tired.

Current mood:blah

It's not even worth trying to like someone.

I'm a dork.
I just get screwed over or end up not doing anything anyway.



whatever.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

2-17-10

Current mood:contemplative

Today as I walked home, something distracting (and cute) ran through my mind.
And it kinda sparked a long inner monolog.

With a few questions to spur me to fully explain (to myself) the cryptic pharses I leave on automatic, I discovered some things.

What I'll share is;

I want someone to fight with.
Someone to argue with.
Someone to push me as I try to cling to the chaos that is my mundane, habitual, routine-chalked life.
To be push out of my comfort-zone.
Someone that makes me mad; but for some reason (be it their charm, wit, audacity, whatever) I can't help but smile through my snarls.
Someone to listen to me.
If for nothing but to acknowledge that I am speaking.
Someone I can share my whispers with, and by that action speak with confidence.
Even if my voice still doesn't carry.

My laughing does.

I wanna have an effect on someone.
Make their day that much brighter,
Laugh that much harder,
Smile for a second longer.





. . . .

For now; I dream.
Tomorrow is farrr away.


[Transfered from Myspace blog]