Just a conceited post.

I find myself being very annoying to people lately. It’s not a good feeling. I just like talking to people. Or at least certain people whom I enjoy talking to. I can’t help it. I talk a lot. Too much I am finding. This is why I shouldn’t text people. People tend to like me better in person. I don’t always talk as much in person. Wellllllll, that’s kind of a lie. But really, they just laugh at me in person. I don’t know exactly what it is. How I talk maybe? The delivery? Whatever. It’s like they don’t take me serious sometimes because of it. I’m angry, they think it’s hilarious. I pout; they just kind of go ‘awwwww’.

I apparently just don’t know when to stop talking. I run my mouth and I realize that I am shooting myself in the foot as I continue to speak but I just don’t stop.

And I even dislike it when I keep talking about myself. I am not conceited. But I just keep talking about myself. Because I like to know what people think about me. I’m insecure about things I guess. And I like people’s honest imput on things. How am I supposed to improve or tone down the craziness if I don’t have the data from people to let me know one way or the other?

I mean, I am not stupid. I realize things. Like how this is just an annoying teen-like post that is really only useful for me because I need to verbalize my thoughts sometimes and get them off my brain.

And personally I feel I only really know what I am truly thinking when I put things into words. Because I am usually very careful in how I put things. Because the right words really make the difference sometimes.

This is just how I learn about myself it seems. I just talk to myself and it seems like I figure things out that way.

If you read this, welllll you are never getting those few minutes back. EVER. my bad haha.

Just an after thought.

I shouldn't have gotten so irratated.
It isn't very rational.
I mean, I probably only would have been there another hour with him.


But I think it is because I fear our friendship has an experation date.





I'm probably just being crazy.
It's late. I should be sleeping.
People suck.


Happy Birthday Christian.

Angry blogging time.

So, my friend Addison and I are becoming friends again. For reals this time. Which is wonderful. I've actually been probably way too excited about this, but whatever, it's nice.


But it is awkward to hangout if we have nothing to do. And there isn't much around here to really do.

Trust me.

So, we have discovered that hanging out at Starbucks is a good activity for us.
We sit. We drink hot beverages. We talk. We play with newspapers.

I enjoy it.
I like hanging out with him.
I like talking with him.




And for the first time in like two years I feel like we are friends again.




Which is kind of a big deal to me.
Because it sucked hard core when he stopped being my friend.



Now here is where I am glad nobody I know actually knows about this blog.
But at this point; I don't give a fuck.



Addison texted me to hangout this afternoon.
So, we went to Starbucks haha.


It wasn't anything particularly exciting about it. I was just enjoying hanging out with him.

But then Natalie had texted me the night before saying we were finally going to hangout today. But she hadnt contacted me all day and it was like 8pm when she finally talked to me. And then only after I texted her first. So. Yeah.

And yeahhhh, I haven't seen her since I'd been home.
And I just wanted her and Marckus to come chill with us at Starbucks for a bit. Then if she wanted we could go to my house and chill or whatever.

Right? Not unreasonable.

But she just didn't want to go to Starbucks.
Even though it is ridiculously close to her house.
She wouldn't come.


And all I wanted to do was hangout there with Addison.
That's it.


And me, being the idiot that I am, was telling Addison about how Natalie and I were supposed to hangout and how she didn't want to hangout at a coffee house and blah, blah, blah.


And I realize that he was just trying to be nice or whatever, but he kept telling me that he would drive me home. And to go hangout with Natalie.

To which I kept replying 'No'


No.

No.

No.


Ugh.




Then eventually he made me go home.

Which, honestly, I am still kinda annoyed about.
I was so annoyed earlier. whoa.


I mean, it was already like 10:30 ish and due to the fact he was semi making me go home; I was fucking annoyed. And at that point didn't want Natalie to come over.


And I have been in a pissy mood ever since.
So, yay.


Fuck. I am such a child.
This is just kinda upsetting me.
And I don't know if it is upsetting me because I got so pissy or if I am upset because I am still pissed. ugh.




I even pouted the whole way to my house.
Oh geez.
Arms crossed in my red panda sweater.
Pouting like a five year old.



Wow.


Eh, I was unhappy.
And wanted to make that clear.

This is silly but, a mile-stone.

I have had those texts in my phone for over a year.

I couldn't delete them
...for some reason.


Even though I was over everything.

I just, kept them.



Maybe as proof.
That I didn't imagine things.







But tonight.

I hit delete.




And I felt nothing.
And that feels good.