To summarize.

I think I'm just scared.

Scared, of being hurt.
That's not uncommon. I know.

But it still applies here.




"Why is it never my choice?"


I've said this before.
And it is resonating with me now.


First time around;
It was all of a sudden.
Confusing.
Left clueless.

Plain left.




I hardened.
At least I hope I did.


Second time;
I knew.
I chose.
I forgot.

And I burnt myself.



I won't say worse, but everywhere.

And like a sunburn, it sat there.
Staring at me,
Reminding me,
Taking it's sweet time to go away.


But sunburns aren't like cuts.
Cuts heal.
But they scar.




You can put sunblock on, but how do you stop a knife?







I wanna be the one.
I want to break someone's heart.


Except, I couldn't do that.



....I'll just stay a little scared.

A thought gets placed, and then...

I jump ahead.
I think too much.

Intense.
Intense.

My brain, it screams.



It won't sit still,
to let me dream.

Let's see what tomorrow holds, shall we?

As I read through these old posts, I tear up.
I remember the emotion behind the words.

And some, still hurt.




I give people too much leeway,
too many chances.

I am all about chances.
Not that I don't hold grudges.
Because I can hold a mean grudge too.

But if they wanted to make an effort,
I'd probably drop it to give them a new chance.




I don't know if I feel that is a good thing, or a bad thing...




But some people need to step it up.
I'm tired of the flakiness.



Don't preach shit if you don't take your own advice.

Familiarity.

Sitting comfortably close.
A text at four in the morning.
Jokes at the others expense.

Old stories.
New stories.

Making plans.
Putting your things in my purse.



Sitting silently;
Smiling.

Hmph.

Real experiences allude me.

Allude me and delude me.
Of real knowledge.
Real know how.
Real Stories.

Real life.