:/

I feel like a horrible person.
I don't wanna be a horrible person.

I'm a jerk.


I hate people.
And I can't keep putting myself in these situations...




Damnit.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

D-d-d-done!

Current mood:accomplished

Well...

I'm just thinking back on Senior Projects now that they are DONE! haha

I actually really enjoyed presenting mine.
I did a lot of work and I wanted to share that, and 20mins is not enough time for that! (grr!)

I probably talked for the 20mins and then chatted with my pannel for another 10mins or so.

It was nice :)




Now to refocus on my classes and pull up some grades;
Hopefully....

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

Darling you've got to let me know....

Current mood:frustrated

I don't understand.
Will someone please explain this to me?

Is it just comfort?
Overly comfortable?
Is that it?



I just.... don't know.







. . . . I don't wanna try if it's pointless and I'm just going to embarass myself.




I feel like I'm losing this game, more then I'm winning it.




Can things just work out for me once?
Just this once.

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Explainations escape me.

Current mood:indifferent

I guess you don't realize you were in a high state of mind until you return back to your normal levels.

. . . .except your normal levels seem so much farther when you get dropped from a high place.


. . .


I wanna be alone, but . . . not.








Sometimes, space is okay.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

Word Vomit

Current mood:weird

Ugh.
I've gotten my senior project almost done.
Atleast I've finished the actual project part. Huzzah!


I'm going to Western...

scary.




Things man. Things.
I'm not just seeing all this, right???
I mean... idk.
It's a slippery slope.


Things are changing.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I'd rather not think about it really.


I still miss . . . old friends . . .
I miss, the conversations. :/
Even if I was really annoying and a lot to put up with.
I really appreicate that; more then you'll ever know.



I'm tired.
haha funny week/ day.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

I think I need a paper bag?

Current mood:worried

Let's see....

*sob* David Tennant, no! :'(
I can't stand this new guy.
(he is okay, and well... I can't not watch but... )
And Wherethehell is Russel T. Davies?!!
Why?!

fuckkkkk.


Anywho.
I think I'm having a bit of a break down. yeah.
And I'm being utterly too passive about things at the moment.
important things.
my life.

... and, I'm not doing anything?
*sigh*


I just need to....
I don't know; do things.




This is a bad time for my mind to be preoccupied with.... other things. :/
Even if I want it to be. ;)

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

My brain isn't linear...

Current mood:weird

I feel like I've accomplished something today :)
A small step in the right direction.

I'm sooo weird!!
haha ><

It's all good. I like it.


I still haven't watch Pokemon: the first movie this week! haha
(not linearly from start to finish anywayyy)



Ughhh, being full is the worst feeling . . .



I can't put this stuff off much longer...
I'm tired of doing work. blahh.
I'm sooo screwed.



What an odd week this has turned out to be.
:D

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

I don't want you to go to UW :'(

Current mood:stressed

I'm having a detached week.
I'm tired of things,
and annoyed with how some things have turned out...

I don't wanna think anymore.


I need something new.
'cause I can't shake this feeling...

Of apathy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Accept. Adapt. Change.
I'm slow.
I've let it go; but it's hard to fully lose hope.
My never-ending hope.
You disgust me.

I say too much.
I don't want you to read it.
...if I ever write it.






Yeah, I do.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

I need a tape recorder.

I have wayyy too much shit on my mind
ALL the time.
You don't even know...

...I don't even know.


Fuck this, man.
I don't need it.


People suck.
And I hate to need them.

But I talk too much....


And I don't LIE. god.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

Flutter Flutter

Current mood:weird

How long does something take to become a habit?

Geez, why am I nervous?
This is weird.

I feel stuck.
I've never been down this road before.
I wanna turn tail and run....

Like I always do.
it's safe.


but then again...

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

What a lying douch nozzle.

Current mood:okay

For months I've have this... void in my chest.
this deep hole.

And like a scab, I couldn't leave it alone.
I'd pick,
and scratch,
and itch,

...and it hurt.
and to some extent, it'll always hurt.
a slight scar that you can't see by looking, but I know it's there.

But it's healing.
I'm learning to leave well enough alone.
I just have to keep my hands occupied with something else.
Stay busy.



...It's a lot of work.
A lot of effort that I've wasted.



But I'll find new things,
better things.

Real things.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

I'm tired.

Current mood:blah

It's not even worth trying to like someone.

I'm a dork.
I just get screwed over or end up not doing anything anyway.



whatever.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

2-17-10

Current mood:contemplative

Today as I walked home, something distracting (and cute) ran through my mind.
And it kinda sparked a long inner monolog.

With a few questions to spur me to fully explain (to myself) the cryptic pharses I leave on automatic, I discovered some things.

What I'll share is;

I want someone to fight with.
Someone to argue with.
Someone to push me as I try to cling to the chaos that is my mundane, habitual, routine-chalked life.
To be push out of my comfort-zone.
Someone that makes me mad; but for some reason (be it their charm, wit, audacity, whatever) I can't help but smile through my snarls.
Someone to listen to me.
If for nothing but to acknowledge that I am speaking.
Someone I can share my whispers with, and by that action speak with confidence.
Even if my voice still doesn't carry.

My laughing does.

I wanna have an effect on someone.
Make their day that much brighter,
Laugh that much harder,
Smile for a second longer.





. . . .

For now; I dream.
Tomorrow is farrr away.


[Transfered from Myspace blog]

Hamburger.

Current mood:bummed

Sometimes it's like I hate you,
because I can't bring myself to look at you.

And other times,
I cry, because I miss how things were.

It's very raw, and gnawing, and child-like.

I don't know how to restart a friendship.
And it sucks.





Geez, I hope you don't read this.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

Mind over matter, right?

Current mood:peaceful

Taking a chill pill.
I get a little over excited and intense sometimes. In my head.


though sometimes.... time doesn't seem to help.

deep breaths.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

:)

OhmygoodnessI'mLAME! ><
My stomach is doing a backflip. still.

My nerves are on high alert
and I'm still smiling to myself like an idiot :)

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

I watched Fight Club tonight.

Current mood:sick

I'm sick of people who 'know everything'.
Some Idealized version of who they see themselves as.
it's a crook of sh*t.

People can get really full of themselves.
It's Human.
It happens.

And those people who 'try' and be 'different'... just to be 'different' and to prove their individuality.... oh geez, give me a break.

Everyone is a unique pretty little snowflake, okay princess?
You don't need to dye your hair orange or change your name to Sunflower or only drink soy milk to prove that.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]

This makes sense.

Sharing is caring.
Agreed.

Well then, I guess;
I shared too much...
so... I care(d) too much.

it's hard to go backwards.


sigh.

[Transfered from Myspace blog]