I just.... want to say something.

I regret it now. I'll most likely still regret it later.



Actually, I'll probably regret it more.



I sent it anyway.

This is probably stupid; but...

I hit the keys. I type the words.
I think I mean them;

I don't know anymore.



I stop.
I stare.

I edit.



I don't send it.


I cry.



But that's okay.

...

I don't think I'll be able to come back next year....



What does that mean for me now?
What do I do with that?

Just ignore me right now.

It's easier for me to be mad, then remember the good stuff.
Because when I think about that stuff, and take myself to that place....

I just get so sad.
And I don't like to cry about shit.

But all I can think is;
That is gone.
And things wont ever be the same.

Which is fine. I understand and I'm honestly fine with that.

But it doesn't mean I don't get sad.
You know?
I can miss things sometimes.




Do you miss me? Do you care?
Did I mean anything?
I just shouldn't have let myself care. It's stupid to care about people.


People suck.

"Who's Nate??"

First off. ^ haha

Okay.

Soooo....
Myself and a couple friends went to this house party tonight.
Which was fun, I enjoyed it. Talked with some decent people, it was cool.
But one of my friends got drunk.
Which is completely fine.
But I was completely sober. (Which is also fine, that's not a complaint or anything haha)
And so, I was helping her by finding her keys in her purse and unlocking her door. Like a good friend who doesn't want her to get caught by an RA while she is giggling in the hallway.
But I felt she had another Mike's in her purse (which was her's and so, of course she was taking it back to her room).
But from a past experiance, and due to the fact that she kept saying she wasn't tired and such, I felt she may have wanted to drink it.

And I felt that was a bad idea.
a) She was already out of it.
b) Her roommate was trying to sleep.

And so, I took it out of her purse and just stuck it in her desk drawer. Because then she'd find it tomorrow (or I'd tell her).

Just trying to be a good friend.




But I'm pretty sure right now she is ticked off with me.
For "going through her purse" and hiding it (?)

Because she knew it was gone and then accused me of taking it (rightfully so. Kudos to that) and so when I came back to her room to tell her goodnight I told her it was in her desk so she would let me leave.


But I still think she is pissed right now.
Which.... idk.
I was just trying to help.
And tomorrow, if she is still pissed (or if she remembers...)
.....


Idk.
I guess I will reiterate this back to her.
Possible apoligize... if I really need to.
I hope she understands.


But again; I was just trying to good a friend.
So sue me.

so....

I need to met some new people.



Not that the ones in my life aren't cool... I just need some new things to go on in my life at this point.



That is all.

I'm scared.

I've never been so scared.
I don't know how this got so out of control.

I'm scared.
I need to fix this, do something.
But what?
What can I do at this point?

People are bitching about not wanting to come back.
I WANT to come back.
So bad.
But I might not be able to, that's the differance.


And it scares the hell outta me.