I don't even know why I'm still wearing this thing.

Some nights I get so sad.
I don't even know exactly why anymore.
I just get sad.
And feel cold.

And alone.

What are the chances though.

You ever have one of those, your-life-is-dismaly-swirling-down-the-toliet moments?
I feel like such a failure.
I just don't know how to function.

I don't even know why I restarted this stupid blog.
I don't want to be talking to it.
I don't actually want you to read this.
So why the fuck is it here?

.... who else am I going to talk to.

I honestly don't want people reading my blog.

It's for me.
Just for me.

Random people won't get it.
People who know me won't get it.
a select few of my friends may slightly understand what I'm going on about. But...

I guess, I have specific ones I wish very specific people would read.
I guess I just hope that if it is out there, even in this vague little hole in the internet, maybe, maybe, they'll read the right one at the right time.

She can draw too?!

So, I got my tablet to work again.
Finally brought it up to my dorm last weekend.
Apparently all I needed was to install a new driver off the website.
I think I need a new pen though.
It's jumpy and fucking annoying. It clicks before I actually touch the pen to the tablet a lot of the time and is driving me insain.

I'll probably order a new pen soon.

But anyways,
I doodled this last night.

While I should have been finishing my history paper that is due today.
I still need to finish it.

It's okay though, it's due by 3pm.
I'm going, I'm going....

"Wait, where did that puppy come from?"

I guess I just want to be there again.

In a warm chair.
Not watching a movie with Christian Bale.

A seemingly endless chess game.
A stupid leather couch...





I wish I could turn up my heater,
My room is cold.

Too cereal.

I think I just get a little too intense sometimes.
Too serious.
Too.... something.


There are times when I just need to step back.
Chill.

Breath.

I'm the King of wishful thinking.

I wish I had written in my journal over the summer.

I wish I had written about you.


But that would probably make things worse for me right now.
Still.

It's hard to summarize.
It's hard to get over my current spite.


Gawd.
What a horrid couple nights.
I'm such a girl.
Fuck.


I don't even know why I'm crying anymore.
Its for me now, ya know.

It's okay; I don't even know.

Was I wrong?
How could I be so wrong.

I guess I just don't cope well with change.
That's not a new notion.
I've done this. Been there.
It sucked then too.


Why is it never my choice?